I found this article and I found MYSELF.

For years, I have always thought there is something terribly wrong with me. Although I love to communicate, I found myself avoiding parties, loud places, loud people, noise of any kind and I kinda turn into very reserve and quiet whenever there's to much of a crowd. Not knowing what is it actually, I just say that maybe secretly am an anti-social.

The battles continues years after I finished my degree and into my relationships with my loved ones. I found myself sometimes "fake it to make it" to be all chitchatty and force myself to stay in conversations with people around me.

Dont get me wrong, I love talking, I love communicating and sharing. But I would say, I am most comfortable when I am alone or when I am in a small group of people I know. And truthfully, I dont do very well in gatherings or kenduris.

What makes it even harder is people's assumption and first impression about me, especially when the majority if people is extrovert, I have almost no choice but to adapt. Adapt turns into pleasing and finally it's like faking myself for other people's acceptance.

To me, today is a historical day for me. That I have finally found myself. And it's okay to be me :)


Definition: Contrary to what most people think, an introvert is not simply a person who is shy. In fact, being shy has little to do with being an introvert! Shyness has an element of apprehension, nervousness and anxiety, and while an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness. Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge."When introverts want to be alone, it is not, by itself, a sign of depression. It means that they either need to regain their energy from being around people or that they simply want the time to be with their own thoughts. Being with people, even people they like and are comfortable with, can prevent them from their desire to be quietly introspective.Being introspective, though, does not mean that an introvert never has conversations. However, those conversations are generally about ideas and concepts, not about what they consider the trivial matters of social small talk.Introverts make up about 60% of the gifted population but only about 25-40% of the general population.

wiken

Wiken hari tu tak balik Seremban pun.
Selain dari menghantar partner in crime ke KLIA untuk ke Asian Cup 2010 di Chengdu,China; masa cuti minggu adalah untuk mengemas rumah yang dah berbulu-bulu macam King. Kalo aku kumpul agaknya bulu tu, King dah ada gelfren dah sebuah.

hi King..

Setelah habis menangis sambil mendengar lagu feeling mengelamun kena tinggal lagi dua minggu oleh si bucuk Bib, terus mula spring winter autumn cleaning bermula di stor.

Hoh. sampai penuh troli membawak sampah sarap yang berupa kipas siling yang telah dileraikan sebab kami punya walk in cupboard tak muat ceiling fan besar ni. kalo pasang jugak mau berlobang wardrobe tu, jadi walk in hell.

It took me around 8 hours to clean the storeroom, and half the condo. tapi takde la sempat mop pun. Ralit dengan mengelap semua mak bapak frame gambar, segala almari tapi still tak jugak habis.

the thing is aku cepat je bosan dengan kedudukan furniture yang sama, so mesti tukar dan tukar dan tukar!

By 7 pm , decide nak keluar nak beli barang umah sikit. Sebabnya aku cukup malas nak tapau makan dr luar walaupun duduk sorg dan sekor. tak suka the idea of eating alone rasa macam loser tu satu, pastu i am just not a good alone eater! unless i have a reading material. bukan picisan macam Mangga okay. itu tahap bacaan IQ -8.

So, yang aku bijak pandai pulak pergi masa Maghrib, dah la banyak yang menumpang keta dengan aku belanja dinner darah A- sepanjang perjalanan. tensen.

tapi hidup mesti diteruskan.

Dah. itu je la. habis dah mood nak berblog sebab nak balik.

bai.

my AHA moment :)

"stop being an accountant"

"you cant keep on balancing calls, smses, email.

I called you three times today, you only called me twice, so you still owe me one more call."

then suddenly macam ada spotlight atas kepala.

that's what i have been doing.

all these while.

demit.

On repeat : Pink's "I dont believe you"

I don’t mind it

I don’t mind at all

It’s like you’re the swing set

And I’m the kid that falls

It’s like the way we fight

The times I’ve cried

We come to blows

And every night

The passion’s there

So it’s got to be right..

Right?

No I don’t believe you

When you say don’t come around here no more

I won’t remind you

You said we wouldn’t be apart

No I don’t believe you

When you say you don’t need me anymore

So don’t pretend to

Not love me at all

I don’t mind it

I still don’t mind at all

It’s like one of those bad dreams

When you can’t wake up

It’s like you’ve given up

You’ve had enough

But I want more

No I won't stop

Because I just know

You’ll come around..Right?

No I don’t believe you

When you say don’t come around here no more

I won’t remind you

You said we wouldn’t be apart

No I don’t believe you

When you say you don’t need me anymore

So don’t pretend to

Not love me at all

Just don’t stand there and watch me fall

Because I,

because I still don’t mind at all

It’s like the way we fight

The times I’ve cried

We come to blows And every night

The passions there

So it’s got to be right, Right?

No I don’t believe you

When you say don’t come around here no more

I won’t remind you

You said we wouldn’t be apart

No I don’t believe you

When you say you don’t need me anymore

So don’t pretend to

Not love me at all

I don’t believe you

the weekend of love and more love and little bit of hurt and then some.

It’s Monday again.
Weekend was..how do it put it? Very emotionally challenging?

It’s 1.15pm and in my office. Lately I prefer to spend my lunch time at the office. Akibat malas nak drive, carik parking, jalan pikir nak makan something different today and finally kat RASA foodcourt jugak.adeh..

Might as well aku beli nasi ayam masak merah dua ringgit kat pantry opes and surf the net, baca blog and update blog aku yang takde rupa blog ni. Tetiba bunyi azan terus insap and solat terus mintak aku masih tak boring untuk berada di opes untuk beberapa jam selepas itu.

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. Mak as usual tak mahu apa-apa. Not even a treat to spa or foot scrub or massage. Not this time.She prefers to just stay home and watch Pensil at TV3. Very nice movie.I on the other hand, am more than willing to just stay home and enjoy emak’s cooking and company. Dari belanja mak benda merapu seperti set mandian yang mak sayang sangat nak guna nak guna sampai dah expired, lebih baik berbelanja kat Family Store kedai supermarket yang aku rasa mak aku ada adalah salah seorang pemegang sahamnya. tetiba ada pulak Apollo dalam troli..keja ko la nih Akid kan?

My sister Ila and family takde, pergi penang to celebrate Princess’s 3rd birthday..tu yang sunyi rumah. Takde la si becok Adriana nak buli uwan ngan Akid with her adorable antiques.
But abang balik from Tangkak with her new addition, Hani Arischa for the first time after Liza habis 44 days pantang. Good gurl baby. Sangat senang.
Blessed.

Berbalik pada minggu lepas, Jumaat malam hari tu, finally pegi juga ke spa di Heritage Row. Reminding myself to stick to making appointment waktu siang sahaja, as malam the guests somehow scares me. Ye saya penakut. But I went ahead, dah la tak sekali dengan Bib, since tak ramai tukang urut available sebab malam sibuk. Then habis, tak jadi pula foot scrub sebab tukang scrubnya kepenatan.Oh well. The massage was good, but because of the very packed weekend I had, badan jadi penat semula. But then takpe, nanti leh pegi lagi. Bib ada sebut hari tuh nak belanja..hmm..

Bib habis after 30 minutes later. Kami dah kepenatan, but kelaparan. Went to favorite hang out place masa zaman tak kenal siang dulu.. SS2. Seperti biasa duduk kat kedai yang kuat bergaduh, but disebabkan sotong goreng tepung terbaik dan lala goreng yang sungguh bangat setapnya.. sanggup je tengok drama swasta pencurian pelanggan ..walhal gerai sebelah2 je..

So that's that.
I think I survived the most meruntun jiwa punya minggu dan lagu Pink "I dont believe you" telah on repeat for over 200 times apprently. Not gonna blog about it though.

But I do feel that something in me somehow renewed.
Fresher with a fresher and better view on life in general.
I am tryly blessed.

And again to Emak, I heart you.
To love you is by default,
but to honor you, it is something I will dedicated my whole life to.

Acara best.

Hari nih bermula dengan penuh debaran.
Sebabnya kena bawak abang bagak ke kerja.
Akibat insiden menyagat tempohari, rasa trauma tu memang melekat.
Especially acara parking memarking ni.

I always believe I am great (clap clap clap) at parking in many ways, tapi bila dah tersagat abang bagak..rasa rendah diri sangat, tuhan nak tunjuk la tu. :(

eh :) la sebab tuhan tunjuk sebab dia sayang.



anyway, nak tak nak kena jugak drive bagak.


mulut kumat kamit berzikir dan baca apa-apa yang patut untuk tenangkan diri.

sampai King pun diarahkan untuk doakan sekali.




Doa tidur boleh mummy?




perjalanan memang okay, cuma baru perasan, niat nak jadi road bully bila ada bagak ni agak hancur sebab takde hati yang keras dan jahat (ngeee). last2 bagi je orang overtake. bagus juga.


jadi roadbully Tuhan marah.



So dah sampai depan opes..demit banyak pulak keta nak masuk.. mesti basement berlapis2 parking, niat nak ambik parking Masnizah sebab pasti takde unsur2 block.



Then tetiba tengok eh..semua kereta tu parking luar, hasil zikiran saya berhasil nampaknya.. tinjau tempat Mas, memang kosong, debaran makin terasa.. sebelah kereta CSA pulak.. kalo aku miss the tiang, jangan aku sagat Mercedes ni pulak .. gulp



Signal kiri..
masuk ..
reverse..
masuk balik,
straight,
adjust kasi lurus tayar.. and
alhamdulillah..
bagak selamat diparkir.



tapi hati berdebar sampai dua jam selepas itu.

Dari tumpang ke masak.

Semalam tak bawak keta, sebab NBT kan ditinggalkan di Seremban, so abang terchenta boleh hantarkan ke bengkel untuk ketuk pintu yang kemek tu. So akibatnya, hanya ada abang Triton sahaja.



Bib ada game malam, so maknanya boleh hantar pegi kerja sahaja (mekasih) dan balik kena pepandai carik jalan, jalan dah jumpa tapi takkan nak berjalan kan. So memula ingat tammau susahkan sesapa nak ambik teksi je balik. Tapi lepas tu teringat ada Masnizah (yay!) apa lagi, bila nak susahkan Masnizah (lagi.) huhuhu.



Nasib baik Masnizah dont mind menumpangkan kakak dia sorang nih, tapi hofkos kena ambik si bayi pipi pau Mirza di nursery. Memandangkan Mirza agak moody sebab diganggu tidurnya, I sajes apa kata aku je drive, ko duduk la ngan Mirza Pau tu. (merasa jugak drive Vios.. Redhauddin, aku dengar ko gagal drive soft pedal car ni kui kui..terasa hebat sekejap walaupun tak duduk Jepun bertahun2.)

Anyway, post nih bukan nak kutuk redhauddin ataupun nije (eh tetiba), tapi hasil dari :

1. pernyataan masnizah yang sukar hendak masak apabila telah mempunyai Mirza pipi pau.

2. cadangan Syakira agar resipi saya dikongsi..ceh, ko sakit perut aku tak jamin ye.

So, hasil dari lab yang dilakukan (menyahut seruan GTP) rasanya bagus jugak aku jadikan blog nih my very own recipe sharing platform. Tak suka memazmumahkan diri, tapi nak share and bagitau those yang nak masak tapi rasa tak cukup masa dan tenaga.

Hasilnya adalah, minit mesyuarat aku tak habis taip lagi sebab excited nak post my first recipe.

Tunggu ya, sampai minit ni siap.

kruk kruk

those yang dalam my fb knows that I survived a long series of unfortunate events which starts with a nasty fall kat tangga condo tu. That was in late March. It has been more than a month now and now the pain is back.



It really is uncomfortable especially kat tengkuk. maybe because dah lama tak urut and yoga (i truly miss yoga) but when i try to stretch and do light yoga, my neck still berbunyi kruk kruk macam makan keropok dalam wayang perlahan-lahan.



I really wanna call Kak Gayah up for another massage but somehow takut nanti it become worse. So as usual complaint2 kat Bib and she ask me to do a research on this one Chiropractor centre in Cheras. Macam agak scary nak dikruk kruk oleh pakar (kalo kruk kruk oleh orang lain tergedik pulak ko kan.. lepas kruk kruk, mintak garu la urut la..best)



Anyway, akan aku gagahkan diri and set up an appointment one fine day. Bilanya tu tak tau...tapi rasanya paling lambat pun next month, because i really need to get it fix in order to truly enjoy life to the fullest (mengemas dan memasak secara intensif :)))






princess tolong wan kat dapur :)

Monday datang lagi untuk ke seribu kalinya..

Semalam Ahad, rasa best je. Although I never really enjoy Sunday compared to Saturday because knowing the next day another working day, yesterday's Sunday was great.

Took emak, ila, princess and akid to Cyberjaya for nasi arab at Saba' Restaurant. Poor service but the food is okay la. RM85 for 4 pax. The lamb kabsah is worth eating but the rest is quite dry.

Since I drove all the way from Seremban to Cyberjaya, takkan nak balik je terus kan lepas dah berpeluh tunggu makan.. took them to Alamanda to buy emak's make up and some lecka lecka ice cream. Princess bought books on animals and then we decided to call it a day.

Arrived at Seremban around 6.30pm , nasib baik tak jam highway.. tak sanggup nak stuck in jam highway macam balik Seremban the other day.

Seriously exhausted due to the extreme heat nowadays.. rasa macam nak lepuh satu badan panas nyeeeerrr!!!! Boleh cecah 39 degrees sekarang. Its too hot.

Dok pikir camana nak drive balik ke SK since dah penat sangat.. dah la bawak dua ketam, sebab ingat nak repair pintu NBT yang dilentung abang polis, tapi lupa Hari Pekerja mana ada bukak bengkel. Bengkel Menggubah Bunga mungkinlah.

So macam kena bawak balik NBT ke SK, tapi pastuh tepon bucuk, katanya suruh tinggal guna NCJ ajer la.

Happy :))) sebab boleh tido balik nanti. Hoh!
Sebelum tu bagi tau bucuk, "kalo ngantuk drive bagitau ye, leh tukar driver"

pastu aku tido mengerekot macam tikus, sedar2 dah sampai pak guard kondo.

:P